I have seen the Vegas Ghetto

Sometimes we realize the gravity of our actions, not usually at the moment, but definitely later, and how if things just unfolded slightly different, the effect that it would have on our little Monkey World.

It's our last night in Vegas, and we were celebrating the 14 year wedding anniversary of my Man's work partner. After many Cabana cocktails, it was decided that a vow renewal would be appropriate, I knew that we wouldn't have the Star Wars themed one that was proposed, but definitely thought it would be fun to celebrate a classic Vegas Wedding.
Our Cabana, the wives in the forefront, the next door cabana occupied by 10 20something guys, that guy or maybe it was another one, asked us for our cups. I think he just wanted to check out us Cougars, to see if we were on the prowl.

After more shopping at Planet Hollywood's Miracle Mile, and a brilliant dinner at the Italian restaurant, we decided to hit the strip and find a chapel in old Las Vegas.

Dilemma #1: There is a maximum of 5 people per cab, even if it is a minivan, its' the law. There is 6 of us. Our cabbie actually admitted he believed this was in place because then us, fares/customers, would have to take two cabs. How many people do you know travel in odd numbers? We hit the cab stop at Paris and persuaded the doorman to find us a limo so we could all travel together. Sweating like pigs, you know it is the first day of Fall, and realizing that this was perhaps not going to happen, we split up into two cabs.


Oh we were LUCKY, in our LUCKY cab.

Dilemma #2: You just KNOW we are going to lose each other, Follow that Cab, just doesn't work in Vegas as it would work, well ANYWHERE else. We had no address, as we had no idea which chapel to go to, where the chapels were, and the traffic was ridiculous because of all the construction for City Centre is underway day in and day out.

With the advice of the cabbie, not ours, we headed down the Las Vegas Blvd towards Freemont.

Dilemma #3: We had to stop, our cabbie was too good and got us past the Stratosphere in no time flat. We stopped at the 7 Eleven, after getting a phone call that a chapel had been found. Our cabbie suggested we wait for our friends in the car, he wasn't going to charge us, but we had passed our friends and had to backtrack, the easiest would be to walk back. So out we got, and Voila, we were in the Ghetto or at least the armpit of the Las Vegas Blvd.

Upon exiting the cab, we were sized up by a grown man on a bike, I don't like to assume anything but working in Gastown keeps your senses sharp, sharp to realize that a couple, carrying shopping bags, in a tourist town, late at night, with no one around, are the perfect victims, for oh you know, MUGGINGS. I have seen it happen, they bike past you, grab your purse or bags, push you down whilest they bike away, and there is NO WAY you are going to run and catch up with them, oh unless your Donovan Bailey.


Classy Vegas Hotel sign, neon lights out, missing letters or they just can't spell.


Umm, YES, I can say YUCKA to this place.


See Vegas can be cheap, $26. bucks a night.

Then we decided to head to the Stratosphere, where cabs are, perhaps our friends, or at least other tourists and people. Lucky for us, we had a couple who was definitely wigging out, stop in front of us. We slowed our pace when we realized that they were asking local looking people for cash, and we were probably going to get some flack if we said NO, you know shopping bags and all, hey once you have crack you can't really go back.

We made it to the hotel, where cabs and people were, and I had a sigh of relief. Even the Man seemed to relax a bit, and we saw our posse across the street. Turns out the chapels they went to were closed.

Basically, it didn't happen and we took pictures in a gazebo, me being the official wedding photographer.


We hopped in a cab and took the back route, where the Gentlemen's Clubs and Sex shops are two blocks long and bigger than Costco, back to our hotel.


We arrived ALIVE!

I just kept thinking if something ever happened to one or both of us, and someone didn't return home, our little monkees would be traumatized forever.

Flying, Vegas, Food, Boobs and Mental Meltdowns

I do not travel, why bother, when the whole world seems to come to your city to visit?! ---Naomi Tanaka circa 1992(now Jesson)

I am like the most under travelled person amongst my friends, well until the MQC project came about. Now I like to believe I am more of a seasoned National flyer. I love flying, I love window seats-thanks Miss Z, I love looking at the landscapes, Rocky Mountain Range, the Prairies, it makes me feel like when I was a kid and went to the PNE and in that old building they had that topographical map with a moving bridge on it. Yes, I am that OLD.

Flying leaves me in awe and I am like a child discovering new things. I really, really, really like feeling childlike because it makes me think anything is possible. OK throw up now or do that vomit in your mouth thing, sentimental moment over NOW.

And now we are flying to Viva Las Vegas for a conference for the Man's business. The only other time we went somewhere together without children, then just one child, was in 2006, and it was this conference. We were on the plane, my first ever trip on a plane, and I burst out into tears! NOT because I was scared but because I realized that if we both died on the plane, or in Vegas, we didn't have a will or even life insurance, our baby, Jackson would be HOOPED.

3 years later we have a will and life insurance, aren't we so ADULT now. It just feels so morbid to talk about it, but it's the right thing to do. The will isn't official, just a simple will kit, but the hardest thing to do was appoint guardians. I can't even mention who we appointed, as it might turn ugly in the family, you wouldn't realize the feedback you get from people when you tell them who you want to look after your children, like its a popularity contest or something, as if ANYBODY would be any better than the actual PARENTS.

Hey if anyone is going to screw up these children it better be me or my Man.

Personally I would rather go somewhere HOT, but I'll go to Vegas, I'll go anywhere for FREE! Unfortunately Vegas was not the Vegas I had imagined, less Swingers more Broadway.



Last time we felt ripped off, we both had never gone, and we felt obligated to plan to do things together with the Man's work partners, and their wives. I really don't know them that well, and well we don't exactly hang out, on top of it, they are related to each other. Chris's one partner is the brother to the other partner's wife, confused yet?

Anyway, as the guys went to play golf minus my Man, not a golf enthusiast, we decided to go check out our hotel, New York New York, and the strip. The wives decided to lay around by the pool.

We checked out the roller coaster, it looked so unbelievable, but decided that we should ask the others if they want to go. Then we were offered cheap tickets to Cirque du Soleil show, we didn't know if the others would want to go, so we declined until we could talk to them. We thought it would be great to go up to the top of the Eiffel tower, but decided to wait and talk to the others. WE didn't end of doing any of these things and felt really disappointed about it.

We noticed the time, decided to head back as we were already late for our meeting time, and realized that even though it feels like the hotels are close together, it's really just the illusion that the LARGE and in CHARGE Vegas billboards and hotel signs create, DAMN you David Copperfield!



Once back we soon realized that we were skipping the boat tour of Lake Mead and Hoover Dam, as the boys did more drinking than golfing, and they were in dire need of some rest or at least a small hiatus from alcohol, but they were definitely not having any part of a boat ride.

So we decided to have dinner together. Yeah, I thought, perhaps we can get to know each other. Oh they got to know me alright.

I had just finished weening Jackson off the Boob, Breast for all you shy folks. And I don't care what anyone else says, you DON'T LOSE WEIGHT breastfeeding, unless you are a celebrity who has a trainer, a chef, and a surgeon who performs liposuction during your C-section. The hungriest time in my life is when I was breastfeeding the kids. I would be woken up in the middle of the night, by my stomach growling. My new staple was peanut butter on stoned wheat thins, and an apple, and glass of milk. There was no way that I would be downsizing the diet in Vegas, not the city known for their BUFFETS.


I mentally was still in breastfeed mode, I mean I still wore easy boob accessible clothing like this tank, check out that cleavage!
<----------------------------------------------
We hadn't eaten since 9am, we skipped lunch, and didn't have anything to eat, because we were going on this boat for a fancy dinner at 3pm. Skipped the boat, meet up in the casino at 5:30pm, they show up at 6pm. Drink and gamble for an hour, decide to walk the strip. WE did not have a reservation anywhere, all the good restaurants were full, we continued to walk and drink, I started drinking Caesars for the celery. WE walked, they stopped to do shots, we walked through the hotels for the restaurants, all full, we stopped looked around more and drank more, we walked more, then we arrived at Caesar's Palace.

I walked into the Gap and started to cry, I was dying, DYING of hunger, I couldn't drink anymore, I just couldn't. Then I started to get all super emotional, missing the boy, and tears started welling up in my eyes. Then the others started to slowly notice, and walk away from me, as the Man approached and asked me what was wrong.

I had been saying I was hungry all along, I said I WAS HUNGRY, I totally blurted it out during the tears and self pity sobs.

Quickly they found a restaurant, The Cheesecake Factory, and we proceeded to wait another hour.

It was exactly 10pm, 13 HOURS since food passed these lips, minus the Caesar celery. I ordered way too much, as CF has huge portions, and ate only 1/2 of it. We may not have see the Hoover Dam, but there was some HOOVERing of my own going on.

Then I was normal, well reasonably, I will never ever be classified as NORMAL, I mean, really, its me and all.

Then the wives commented, so you were HUNGRY? I nodded realizing that they were quite scared of the Mental Meltdown Naomi, and stated, well I only had breakfast 13 hours ago.

One wife also commented, that's when we both ate last, thinking they must've had a HONKING breakfast to not be hungry.

What did you eat? I asked, Oh we both split a bagel.