The Fu Manchu

I woke up the other day and smelled something. It smelled kind of like the Hippies at Hemp Fest in Nelson. It smelled, it smelled like smelly pits & dirty hair.

Aww CRAP! It was ME. Holy hairy arm pits BATMAN!


At least I am in Academy Award winning actress company.

One benefit of not having the man around, is well, I don't necessarily need to cut down the Old Growth Forest, you know, shave the legs, ALL the time. Yes all you high maintenance gals can act all disgusted with me, but to me its such a hassle. But hey, I shower everyday, sometimes twice, why wouldn't I have shaved, at least the pits, whatever about the legs.

Hey who's that near the stubble?

Damn it! The man took the razor with him, GRRRRRRRR!

Not too long ago, I was scouring the bathroom for the Costco stock of deodorant, my Gillete Lady razor, and my face moisturizer. They couldn't be found anywhere, except in the man's gym bag. Really honey, Venus breeze & Dove deodorant. Were you not the laughing stock at the gym? I even busted him using my Sephora Vanilla Birthday body wash, he thought it was hair conditioner.

I may not be super high maintenance, but I will cover up the greys, shave/wax the pits, and well, wax the STACHE, as in Moustache. Yes, you heard that correctly, I am admitting to an excess amount of body hair above the lip, more becoming on a pre-pubescent boy than a woman in her late thirties.

We LOVINGLY call it the FuManChu.



Being Half Japanese, I don't know how inappropriate or racist it may sound, but have you seen the size of Mr. Chu's stache? Well that is what it feels like on my face. When I think it is getting out of hand, I can always ask the man. If it is really bad he throws in a little, "AH SO! Naomi-san". Totally mixing asian and oriental here but I am milking my halfness to the best of my ability.

I looked in the mirror, after my de-hippefying shower, and noticed a whisker. Seriously, like the stereotypical kind you find growing out of a mole. Do they get darker and thicker as you get older?

Having the man away isn't helpful when it comes to trying to maintain your beauty. Threading is quick and cheap but difficult with children running around, and appointments for hair and waxing are definitely out, still need a sitter who is available. Hello drugstore. I always get the only male clerk when trying to check out, and the damn makeup lady was busy making-over someone.

I don't care when it comes to tampons or pads, live with it buddy, but facial body hair remover is somewhat embarassing, especially when I couldn't find any tweezers and was sporting the big ol' fat cat whiskers.

I just didn't make eye contact, tried to hide it with the other stuff, and bolted with the kids pronto.

No wonder women got sucked into buying these.